i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
