My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
