she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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