Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
