My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
