I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Never joke about your clitoris.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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