we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
