ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I could make wine with my vomit
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
my liver is dry heaving
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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