I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
