It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
