I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
