I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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