I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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