her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
