Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
