There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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