Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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