When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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