smell my finger.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
