I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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