Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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