Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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