SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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