um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
