I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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