It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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