My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
this hospital has no fireball
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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