oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
