so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
