Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
don't judge my taste in strippers
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
