he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize