After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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