are you still at the devil's house?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
