I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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