Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
