my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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