omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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