I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
