You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
