Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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