Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
