I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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