its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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