Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
