If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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