batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
