k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
