Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
