Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
