Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
