wat bout pragnant strippers??
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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