I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
