Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize