I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
