Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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