I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
