I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You may now shotgun with the bride
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
