You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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