in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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