Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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