I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
