here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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