Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
