Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
