I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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