how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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