i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize