Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
