Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
