my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
