I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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