Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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