He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
